It's over. I know it's probably for the best but it hurts so much. I'm so angry and upset and confused. I feel so alone. I'm losing my best friend. This all feels so fucked up.

I really hate how I am sometimes. I hate how obsessive I get. I know he's not going to call to come drive with me. I feel like I'm 16 all over again. Gross. I thought I had changed so much over these years, but apparently not. Why do we let people affect us the way we do? Sometimes this town feels too small for me, but I'm afraid to move on. Or maybe I just haven't expanded my horizons.
I'm afraid to grow up and become responsible. I'm afraid of my own life.

I feel like I've been living in this fantasy land where love never ends and you never grow apart. They say everything happens for a reason. I suppose sleeping with Greg was my "reason". It certainly was an eye opener and forced me to stop being in denial with my unhappiness in this relationship. I have so much to figure out right now. I have been with Bert for so long that it's time for me to figure out if I am still in love with him or if I'm with him because it's comfortable.

I wish I had been more mature in dealing with my feelings toward you and about you. I think and dream about you a lot. I'm not quite sure I understand why. I guess I feel like we never got a chance. God this sounds so creepy. My life feels incomplete right now. I yearn for something that I don't think will ever be mine. I wish I knew your love.