I'm in a funk. A ridiculous emotional funk. I've lost what's cool about me. Lost my style. I'm losing who I am. I feel as though I am disappearing into myself. Letting the insecurities swallow me whole and be shown on the outside as who I am. I am not my insecurities. I cannot let that happen. I used to be vivacious. Where did it all go? This body transformation is turning out to be more traumatic than I thought possible. I am allowing a 16 year old high school drop out to reign above me. She is not better than me. I am not better than her. However being female makes it very difficult to admit that. I am supposed to be proud of her and celebrate her uniqueness. But instead I allow myself to feel threatened by it. I jump to conclusions and explode into a very unnecessary freak out. "She's new, she's younger. She has the short black hair, black framed glasses. Nice boobs." That's what kills me. A girl has breasts that are nicer than mine and I think that he's going to leave me because of it. Why is that even an okay thing for me to think? It's not. Because I know it's not true.

Am I one of those beautiful girls who doesn't realize it? Is it better to be unaware of your beauty then to be sucked in by it?